4. Overcoming Self-Doubt

Hi, I’m Natalie Ottosen and you’re listening to The Mindset School podcast, episode number four.

Welcome to The Mindset School podcast, a show for spiritual entrepreneurs who are ready to stop feeling stuck, reconnect to their soul’s purpose, and create a deeply fulfilling life and business. I’m Natalie Ottosen, transformational life coach, and reconnection healing foundational practitioner, and I can help you scale and grow a six-figure business from a place of inner authority, wisdom, knowledge, and truth.

If you are a spiritual entrepreneur and you are looking to take that first step towards your dream of running your own business, this is the show for you. Ready to step into your power and move forward with clarity and purpose? Let’s go.

Hello, beautiful soul family. It is finally beginning to warm up here. I live in Kansas City, it’s windy all the time, but it is so lovely outside today. And I am just looking out of my window watching all the squirrels and geese play in the pond and run across my grass. I am so excited for the warmer weather. Alright, let’s dive right in because today I want to talk about self-doubt especially when it comes to setting impossible goals.

So one of my impossible goals was doing this podcast. And I actually say that this was 10 years in the making. But then I have to laugh because I’m like, “I don’t even think podcasts have been around for 10 years.” Maybe they have. Anyways it's more of a lifetime in the making for me. This is something I've wanted to do for a really long time. And as soon as podcasts did come out, I knew that a podcast was something I wanted to create. But I had a lot of self-doubt. I was really afraid to do it.

So self-doubt is basically when we have a big goal like starting a new business or launching a podcast or moving into your purpose or passion or whatever it ends up looking like. When we set those impossible goals we are going to have all sorts of stuff stirred up. And I did over the last several months from the minute I decided to launch the podcast to getting it to production, anything and everything came up, all of the gremlins came out. Do you guys remember that show, Gremlins? That show scared the bejesus out of me.

Okay, so number one, self-doubt is normal. Of course you’re going to have self-doubt when you're starting something new. Self-doubt is really kind of this lack of confidence or belief in ourself, especially when it’s new, it’s normal. We kind of call that imposter syndrome. We don't have that self-confidence yet in order to do something because confidence is really when we know how to do something. So my mentor always says, “When you pour a glass of water, you're confident that, you know absolutely 100% you can pour a cup of water.”

But when you’re trying to achieve something new or create a new goal you don't have that self-confidence yet. So absolutely, self-doubt is going to be present, it’s going to show up because we don't really know if we have that ability or skill or we’re not sure we’re making the right decisions yet. So it can really be those feelings of uncertainty and insecurity and it can even show up as anxiety especially around, can I do this? Am I competent enough to do this? Or even kind of some of that self-judgment of who do I think that I am?

So self-doubt, it manifests in different ways for different people. And it really does depend on the situation, and it probably really depends on the goal that you're setting as well. For me doing this podcast it’s probably one of the biggest things I feel I could ever do in my life, because I'm putting my voice out there. And I’ll share more about this along the process of how this really did unfold for me because the person I had to become in order to put this out there today, it’s a lot and it really, really, really made me emotional.

If you saw my Instagram stories, I actually got emotional and started crying on my stories because it took a lot for me to get to this point in my life. I've had to do a lot of work in order to be where I am, but self-doubt is such a little bugger. What your mind does in order to keep you safe especially when you're setting these big goals, these big possibly unobtainable goals, self-doubt will find any way to sneak in and play tricks with your mind. And of course it's going to do that. It wants to keep you safe.

You're doing something you've never done before and your brain’s like, “Listen, abort mission, we don't want to do this. We don't want to go down this pathway.” So it’s going to do everything it can to keep you safe. And how brilliant of your mind to be able to do that. So do you struggle with self-doubt? Please tell me I’m not all alone. How does it show up for you? Here are some common ways that self-doubt may end up showing up for you.

Negative self-talk, telling yourself that you're not good enough or that you will fail. One of the things our brain does on a very regular basis is that it fails forward. I don’t know if you've ever heard that before. But it basically fails before we've even started, who do you think you are? You can't do that. You're not smart enough. You're not good enough. And that also plays into that negative self-talk of you’re just not enough. It also comes through in avoidance. What happens is that you avoid taking on new challenges or any opportunity because that self-doubt gets in there and it starts telling you that you can't. And so you avoid it.

How about seeking constant reassurance? People with self-doubt, they may be seeking validation and reassurance from others in order to feel more secure about the decisions that they’re making or even their abilities that they have. These next two, I’m very good at them or used to be very good at them. Procrastination, I would put things off to the last minute always.

Self-doubt can cause this for us, like putting off those important tasks or decisions because we feel unsure in our ability or whether or not we’re making the right choice. Because if we don't do it then we don't have to make a choice and then we don't have to fail and then it just kind of keeps perpetuating the same cycle. Or even perfectionism, I would say this is probably my biggest one. Self-doubt can lead to that desire for perfectionism. For me this showed up as it has to be perfect in order to put it out there because if it's perfect then nobody can judge me, nobody can say anything about it, but then also it just never gets done.

So you have that procrastination piece that you put it off and then when you actually do it, it's not perfect and so you just never even put it out there at all. So again, you kind of create that failing forward where you never even have the opportunity to truly fail because you don't even put it out there to even fail. And what really is failure? I’ll talk about that in an upcoming episode because I think failure is such an important topic to talk about, but what even is failure?

When I was getting coached on this myself I had my coach ask me, “So what would failure be with the podcast?” And I was like, “Well, nobody will listen to it.” And it was like, “But that’s not really failure.” If I put it out there, I didn’t really fail. Failure would be not even doing it at all. So those are some of the ways that it can actually be showing up for you.

And I want to talk a little bit about my experience with this podcast because what made me want to even talk about this subject was getting it ready for launch. So I initially started with my first episode, and I ended up submitting that episode to my podcast people. So we launched the first three episodes to start the podcast and we started with the first one. They wanted me to record that, submit that over, do the feedback, do the rerecording if it was good to go. Then we move into episode two and three.

So I submitted episode one, got the feedback, rerecorded, did all those things and then they said, “Okay, we’re ready for episode two and three.” So I recorded, I wrote the copy and then wrote the copy and then wrote the copy. Remember, perfectionism? Yeah. So I wrote the copy and then ended up recording the episodes. And I actually struggled with them a little bit. I actually struggled with my episode two quite a bit. In fact I ended up going from episode two and just recorded three and then went back to record two again because I felt like the information I had for episode three was easier for me to kind of articulate.

So anyways, I was writing this copy, recorded and then I was like, “I have got to get these episodes over.” So ended up submitting the episodes and then was waiting for feedback. And in the process of that, in the process of waiting for my feedback my brain was going to all sorts of places. This isn't very good. You don't know what you're doing. Who do you think you are? Who are you to think that anybody wants to listen to what you have to say? I went through all of the mental gymnastics, you guys, literally went through all of them.

And then I ended up getting a message from my podcast people who said, “Okay, can you send us the videos for episode two and three?” And I was like, “Wait a minute, no edits, we don’t need to do anything?” And I was like, “I mean are they good to go? Are we fine to go?” And she said, “Yeah, they sound really good, absolutely we’re ready to go.” And I was like, “Alright.” It was in that moment that I realized that I didn't even give my brain the opportunity to think that my episodes were good. It's not that I didn't think that they were good or that I had something good to say.

It was more of was it structured okay? Is there more I need to add? Because even after I was done I was like, “I could have gone and added this, or I could have done that or whatever else. But I didn’t even give myself the opportunity to even go to the other side, that it was possible that the episodes were good and that they were fine. And it was really kind of in that moment that I was like, “This is crazy.” Self-doubt is so nuts. It gets in there and it just wreaks havoc, and it stops us from being able to create so much goodness in this life, so much opportunity, so much ability to be able to move forward into amazing possibilities.

Anyways, I had to do a lot of coaching around this. I’ve had to do a lot of coaching over the last couple months about this because my brain has been offering me so much self-doubt in doing this project, in going through this process. And you guys, I just want to offer you the opportunity that we can have self-doubt and we can still move forward. And I also want to offer that when that self-doubt is coming forward for us, what if we just didn't believe it? Truly, I was believing everything my mind was telling me regarding this self-doubt.

And what if we just didn't? What if we gave as much playing time, what if we gave equal playing time to the end side, the other side where it's, I am capable of doing this? It is possible I’m good at doing a podcast. It is possible I’m good at writing. I may not know what I'm doing yet but I’m working on it. What if we offered ourself that as well. I'm not saying self-doubt’s going to go away ever. It’s always going to be there because it’s our brain’s way of protecting us. It’s our brain’s way of keeping us safe because that's what it knows and that's what it's here to do.

But what if we just gave ourself the other side as well and even just entertained the possibility that maybe we’re doing something ‘good.’ Maybe we’re doing something ‘right.’ So allowing us to have just as much opportunity on the other side as we do with the self-doubt side. And then as we continue to move forward even though we have that self-doubt, we’re building new neural pathways in our brain that say, “You know what, we can do this.” And that ultimately that's how we move into confidence and self-confidence where we feel capable of being able to do what it is that we ultimately want to do.

So overcoming self-doubt can be a challenging process, especially if you have experienced a lifetime of pressure and expectations and these feelings that you've had of self-doubt. So there are several ways that you can help yourself through this process. Number one is getting a coach. Coaching has literally changed my life. It has really helped me recognize and challenge my own self-doubt and my own questions. I coach clients but I also get coaching because it's so important to constantly be coaching your brain. I do self-coaching, and I coach with coaches.

So part of it is recognizing when you're having that self-doubt and when that self-doubt is creeping in. And part of that is, again going through those steps that I talked about in my last couple of episodes of recognizing mindset, understanding mindfulness, and then starting a meditation practice. Because that meditation practice, that mindfulness practice, it all helps you start to recognize when these crazy self-doubt thoughts start coming in. So being able to confront them on their head and then challenging them with supporting evidence of maybe it is possible that I'm okay at doing this.

Also reframing negative self-talk. So I've talked about this before and I'll talk about it again, that I want to challenge you to start challenging your negative self-talk and start moving it into more positive self-talk. And I’m not talking about going from I’m terrible to I’m amazing because we can't really do that. But if you’re saying, “I'm not good enough,” maybe it's like I'm capable of doing this or you don’t know what you're doing. Maybe it’s I’m learning how to figure this out.

Also celebrating your accomplishments. So taking time to acknowledge where your successes are no matter how small they are, sitting down and recording this podcast, making the call to do something. So maybe it's, you’re wanting to start that business. So maybe it’s sitting down and creating the plan. Maybe it’s hiring the coach. Maybe it's understanding what purpose and path you want to go down. So recognizing those small, little achievements, that can really start to help boost that confidence.

Maybe it’s sitting down every single day and committing to that meditation practice. So every day you show up, you’re building more and more confidence and it’s reminding you of your ability to be able to follow through so that you can build that self-confidence.

Another one is practicing self-care. So again taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually because that also builds that confidence and capability. Again, if you’re exercising regularly or eating well or prioritizing your self-care. This kind of goes back into that medication thing I was just talking about. You start to build those little confidences in yourself when you show up for yourself and you stay committed to what you’re doing every day.

Again, seeking support, so this could be hiring a coach. This could be talking to friends and family or even a therapist, sharing your struggles with somebody that you trust, to help you gain perspective and feel less alone. Because sometimes it's just a matter of saying what it is that we’re thinking and sometimes it sounds so silly when it ends up coming out of our mouth. We say these phrases and then it’s like that kind of sounds silly. And not coming to it from a place of judgment but more of well, maybe I can start questioning what I'm thinking and how I’m feeling about that.

And then the other part is taking action. If you've got this impossible goal, what I encourage my clients to do all the time is put that at the top of the paper and what is every single thing you need to do. So let’s say it’s building a podcast. So you’re going to put podcast on the top of the paper with a launch date. And then you’re going to write down all of the things that need to happen from today to that launch date. So it could be hiring a company. It could be recording your first episode. It could be doing your artwork. It could be building a website so that you could have your podcast on your website.

Whatever it ends up looking like, you put down all of the tasks that need to be done and then you start taking action towards that goal. And that again, it’s going to help build that confidence to show you that you are capable. And again you’re going to have the self-doubt that’s going to creep in. It's just part of the process. But if you allow yourself to start recognizing these wins that you're having, these wins that you're taking, you’re going to start seeing those successes and again, it's just going to start building like a snowball.

So be patient and kind and compassionate with yourself as you’re going through this process. And remember that you can learn to trust yourself and your own abilities. So let’s just kind of recap all of this. It is absolutely normal to feel unsure about yourself at times. As you go through the process of setting new goals or achieving things that you've never done before it is so easy to compare yourself to other people who seem to have it all together or seem to be further along. It's really easy to see somebody where you want to be and think that they didn't have to overcome all of the same things that you're going to have to do in order to get there.

And remember, most people are just sharing the good stuff, especially on social media. So be mindful of that. It's okay to take breaks and take care of yourself. Make sure that you’re surrounding yourself with people who feel good and lift you up and are support systems for you. And that may not be everybody. So figure out who those support people are for you and know that you're not alone. I will be a support for you. You can always reach out to me @soulsistercoaching on Instagram. I love to support women. I’d love to support you through this process.

And also other women are feeling the same way you do. You're not alone. I hope today that I’ve shared with you, that you’re definitely not alone, you at least have me. And keep going and know that you’re great just the way that you are. There is nothing that you have to do or become in order to be worthy of setting and achieving these brilliant goals that you have set for yourself. So I hope that this was helpful for you today.

I hope that you’ll give yourself a little bit more of a break when it comes to self-doubt and maybe a little bit of that imposter syndrome especially as you’re setting these big goals and moving towards your goals, your dreams, and your desires. If you are needing more support, you can always reach out to me @soulsistercoaching on Instagram. I would love to hear from you. I would love to support you. I’m here for you and I'll see you next week. All my love.

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Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of The Mindset School. Ready to dive deeper into finding your purpose and create a deeply fulfilling life? Visit soulsistercoaching.com for more guidance and resources. See you next week.